White Tulle Dress | Blush Kate Spade Handbag (old – similar here) | Bella Belle Shoes c/o | Chanel Earrings | BaubleBar Headband | Charlotte Tilbury Lipstick
Changes & The Importance of Being Yourself
Happy Friday, beauties!
This has been such a strange few weeks and I just wanted to chat with you about what’s been going on. I’m not quite sure how to put everything into words and I’m not even sure where I’m going with this… so I’m going to put it all out there lol!
This lockdown period has changed a lot for me as I’m sure it has for you as well. With the lack of “available work,” I’ve been utilizing my free time to finally finish up projects that have been put on hold for yearsss, learning new skills and doing a lot of self discovery. I haven’t been as active on the blog over the past few weeks for a few reasons:
- Lack of time due to being overwhelmed with a new newsletter, YouTube launch and learning how to shoot and edit video myself. I know that I did this to myself – no complaints there lol! While I am LOVING YouTube so far, I’ve been a bit overwhelmed by the process of editing in particular. In fact, it reminds me of when I started learning how to edit my photos. It took me SO long to finally get it right and it was definitely a learning process lol!!
- Loss of motivation for taking photos. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that taking indoor photos both boosts my creativity and takes up A LOT of time. I do spend an incredible amount of time coming up with different “sets,” putting them together, shooting myself with a tripod and editing… and I absolutely love it! I love the creative process so much but it’s just a bit too time-consuming so I’m trying to figure out how I can streamline this to make it fit more realistically in my schedule.
- Experiencing unexpected changes as a person. More on this below.
I’m not sure what happened to me during this time but it’s… crazy. Really crazy. Sort of like a huge lightbulb moment…. an epiphany of sorts.
I knew I needed to take advantage of this time for my business and I feel like I’ve done a good job with that so far. However, there’s also been this insane pressure to suddenly pump out constant content since most people are home and I’ve realized that I’m just one person and I can’t realistically do it all without causing stress and burn out. And I’ve been there before.. it’s not fun. So I’ve made it a point to prioritize certain things and I’ve been adamant about going to bed at a decent hour rather than staying up until 2am trying to get “everything done.” And I’ve learned… that I need to do more of that 🙂
From a personal growth standpoint, I feel like I’ve grown more in the past few months than I have in a long time. The last time I felt like this was three years ago when I went through a massive life change. Recently, a friendship of mine ended and for whatever reason, this set things in motion at an accelerated rate. At first, I was absolutely devastated because I really, truly try to be a good person and especially, a good friend. I just didn’t understand. I have been used so many times and I felt like I finally found someone that liked me as a person rather than for what I could give them. And I like to say that I’m usually a pretty good judge of character but talking to people online is a completely different story. You just never know what their intentions are and I felt like a fool for falling for it once again. And here’s the lightbulb moment…
If you’ve been reading for a while (as in years), then you might remember the posts that I wrote about my toxic family. Long story short, I cut off almost all of my family almost 3 years ago. The main family member (I won’t share who for safety reasons) that caused the issues has NPD (but I believe it to be more psychopathic). I had to do a lot of healing from this as it caused many issues in my life but I’m happy to say that I’ve come out of this a much stronger person. However, although I completely cut myself off and never went back, there was always a little part of me that couldn’t fully move on and I didn’t understand why.
As I researched deeper, I realized that I was unknowingly attracting other narcissistic people into my life… friends. It hit me like a ton of bricks as I knew that I was once again dealing with the same situation. But the heartbreak turned into relief as I realized that this was the last connection I needed to let go of to fully heal. And in a way, it felt like I had been stripped of my innocence as I took off my rose colored lenses to see things for what they really were. I try to see the good in everyone and I always think that others have good intentions, but that’s not always the truth. I like to help people but so many take advantage of this. It’s just… a hard lesson to learn. And it’s something that I’ve learned over and over again but this time, it really stuck.
With this situation now a thing of the past, I feel like I can be who I am without being judged and I can post what I want without walking on eggshells. I don’t feel like I’m being held back by anything and I feel this on an almost spiritual level. I don’t know why… I can’t even begin to explain it but something inside me has changed so deeply from this and it’s caused me to not only examine the relationships in my life and how I navigate them in the future but it’s also made me question a lot of things related to my business and my blog.
For awhile, I’ve been feeling like things have been chaotic and I think that’s an extension of how I’ve been feeling in my personal life. I worried about the sudden decrease in my engagement and the frustration of stagnant growth – both of which I can’t control. I also feel like I lost a bit of who I was in these toxic relationships and as a result, carried this over into my professional life and I lost sense of who I was as a blogger. This situation has inspired me to revisit my earlier days of blogging and the reasons I do this in the first place. It’s not for likes. It’s not for fame. It’s not for money. It’s because I have a deep desire to help others. Like really help them. I want to help others feel good about what they wear, feel like they belong somewhere and feel comfortable about who they are as people… and eventually, when I have my fashion line, I want to help people feel beautiful, confident and like they can take on the world. I want to inspire them and motivate them. I feel this so deep in my bones and I always have.
I will be implementing a few changes moving forward, mostly surrounding the content that I post. I’m not sure what these changes will be just yet but I know that I want to create more niche and meaningful content. I always wanted to post content that would appeal to everyone because I didn’t want anyone to feel excluded but I feel that it would be best for me to just do what I do best 🙂 To be honest, it probably won’t be a massive change or anything… you may not even notice! I just want things to be more thoughtful and intentional. And I really hope that you all like it! <3
Also, new video is LIVE! This is an extension of my post, Why It’s Okay to Be a Girly Girl! I’m sharing my personal story, the challenges that come with dressing a certain way, how I overcame what other people thought of me and the importance of always being yourself! I’m really excited about this one and I think a lot of people will identify with it (not just feminine dressers). Let me know your thoughts. I hope you love it!!
ANNDDD I’m doing TWO giveaways on Instagram! I never do giveawaays so this is huge 🙂
The first one is a beauty and skincare giveaway that I’ve put together myself. You can win over $350 worth of products from brands like Too Faced, Tula, Pixi, and more! Go here for more details on how to enter <3
The second one is a $100 gift card to Tula! Watch my IG stories today for details on how to enter anddd check out this post to enter for the grand prize which includes the gift card and eight other prizes!
You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!