Thank you so much for all the support regarding yesterday’s launch! You guys are the best 🙂 I wanted to talk about something a bit more personal today…toxic relationships. I was debating on posting this as it’s really hard for me to share, but you all said you wanted more personal posts and I’m hoping this can benefit and encourage someone so here ya go 🙂
Top (on sale for less than $20!) | Skirt: Chicwish c/o | Heels: LC Lauren Conrad (old – similar here) | Purse: The Shoe Box | Necklace: French Kande c/o | Sunnies: Diff c/o (use LIZZIEDIFF for 25% off!)
Last night, I had a completely different post ready and at the last minute, I decided to scrap it, edit new photos and say what was really on my mind. I think that a lot of people have this impression that bloggers have the perfect life…that we never have bad days or real life problems. Despite the pretty pictures and seemingly amazing life, there is so much more not being shared because it’s under the surface. One of the issues that I have been dealing with the majority of my life and that has been weighing heavily on my heart lately is that of a toxic relationship. The most upsetting thing is that these unhealthy relationships usually stem from someone close to you…in my case, very close family members.
All of my life, I have been disrespected, felt unwelcome, taken advantage of and been made to feel as if I wasn’t good enough. I always got straight A’s, am the only one to have graduated from college, started multiple businesses, and have always try to do the right thing in every situation. I did so many things to win the approval of my family and no matter how hard I tried, it was never good enough. Instead, I was torn down about my appearance, my weight, my finances, my home, my job, my talents, my decisions, and was told that I would never achieve my dreams. I have always been there through everything, yet they were nowhere in sight during the most difficult time in my life. Yet, I still tried to win them over day after day…doing everything for them. I saw that I was treated differently than others in my family and could never understand why. It hurt for the longest time while I saw that they were given everything they could ever want including the approval that I yearned so much for. I also saw that these same people purposely were willing to tear me down and outcast me for no reason other than their own enjoyment. I’ve cried and prayed so much over this and although, it continued to get worse I still continued in denial hoping that one day I would feel loved by my own family.
I went away a couple of months ago and what was supposed to be a nice trip turned into a nightmare. I became the center of two unfortunate situations in which family members spewed lies about me trying to tarnish my reputation and put blame on me for things that I didn’t do. Even with proof, these lies got even more out of control and ended up being the very thing that split my family apart. After trying to fix this so many times, I came to realization that they didn’t want it to be fixed and what concerns me the most is that they were very quick to cut me for something I didn’t do. There were very hateful words said to me and I was made to feel like this was my fault when, in reality, this situation was the result of someone else’s manipulation, anger and jealousy, all of which are out of my control.
Over the past few months, this really took a toll on my physical, mental and emotional health, which in conjunction, spilled over into other aspects of my life. It was hard to heal from all these years of pain and I’m not done yet, but I’m getting there. After all of the awful things that I have been put through, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back and a turning point for me. I learned a really big life lesson and will be more protective of my heart in the future. I finally saw things for what they were and realized a few things that I was blinded to since the beginning:
1.) You can’t change people. You think you can, but you can’t. Everyone is set in their ways and as much as you love them and want them to be different, they won’t ever be. This is something that has to be accepted in order to move forward.
2.) Some things are out of your control. I will admit, I am a control freak to an extent..especially when it comes to people not liking me for whatever reason. I like to think I’m a likable, friendly person but I’ve realized that there will always be people that don’t like me and that’s okay. It’s not something I can control. And sometimes, situations are out of our control and you just have to deal with it the best you can.
3.) This isn’t your fault. When you feel so low, it’s hard to believe that you didn’t do anything wrong but there comes a time when you have realize that sometimes you are not at fault and this isn’t something that you could have prevented. Don’t beat yourself up over something that you didn’t even do.
4.) Unhealthy relationships need to go. As a positive person, there is only so much negativity I can take. I am person that absorbs other people emotions. I can feel what they are feeling and it can be so overwhelming. When it’s constant negativity, it’s hard to feel good about yourself. There comes a time when this negativity consumes your life in an unhealthy way and the only way to rid yourself of it is to cut people off that are causing it.
5.) Things happen for a reason. I’m a huge believer that all things, no matter how joyful or painful they may be, happen for reasons unknown to us. I also believe that good comes from every situation and while looking back on the hardest points of my life, I see the good that came from it so I know that everything will turn out okay.
Finally seeing the light and the situation for what it was, gave me the courage to do something that I should have done a long time ago. I cut ties with my toxic family members. I finally accepted that they weren’t going to change…that I would never be treated in the respectful, loving way I wanted…that I would never feel welcome in their presence…that I was never going to be treated in the same way that I saw others being treated…and that they were never going to understand my dreams or even who I was as a person. Instead of feeling lost and hopeless, I feel light and encouraged. No longer will my life be dictated by someone who does not have my best interest in mind…or will I feel bad about myself regarding my goals, dreams, appearance, finances, career, etc….or will I feel the need to constantly “prove myself” as worthy…or will I let people say awful things, call me names or make me feel bad about myself….or will I waste my time crying over something I can’t control…or keep going back to the people that have told me they don’t care about me. Though my heart was broken for a long time, the negativity and ugly words of my past have subsided and I feel like I can finally be myself and live my life the way I want without living in fear of doing something wrong. The weight that has been bearing down on me for so long has been removed and I’m finally free….because I chose to be.