Hi pretties!
Thank you so much for all the support regarding yesterday’s launch! You guys are the best 🙂 I wanted to talk about something a bit more personal today…toxic relationships. I was debating on posting this as it’s really hard for me to share, but you all said you wanted more personal posts and I’m hoping this can benefit and encourage someone so here ya go 🙂 Today I’m talking about Letting Go of Toxic Relationships.
Letting Go of Toxic Relationships
Outfit Details:
Top (on sale for less than $20!) | Skirt: Chicwish c/o | Heels: LC Lauren Conrad (old – similar here) | Purse: The Shoe Box | Necklace: French Kande c/o | Sunnies: Diff c/o (use LIZZIEDIFF for 25% off!)
Last night, I had a completely different post ready and at the last minute, I decided to scrap it, edit new photos and say what was really on my mind. I think that a lot of people have this impression that bloggers have the perfect life…that we never have bad days or real life problems. Despite the pretty pictures and seemingly amazing life, there is so much more not being shared because it’s under the surface. One of the issues that I have been dealing with the majority of my life and that has been weighing heavily on my heart lately is that of toxic relationships. The most upsetting thing is that these unhealthy relationships usually stem from someone close to you…in my case, very close family members.
Why I Chose to End Toxic Relationships with Family
All of my life, I have been disrespected, felt unwelcome, taken advantage of, and been made to feel as if I wasn’t good enough. I always got straight A’s, am the only one in my family to have graduated from college, started multiple businesses on my own, and have always try to do the right thing in every situation. I did so many things to win the approval of my family and no matter how hard I tried, it was never good enough.
Instead, I was torn down about my appearance, my weight, my finances, my home, my job, my talents, my decisions, and was told that I would never achieve my dreams. I have always been there through everything, yet they were nowhere in sight during the most difficult time in my life. Yet, I still tried to win them over day after day…doing everything for them.
I saw that I was treated differently than others in my family and could never understand why. It hurt for the longest time while I saw that they were given everything they could ever want including the approval that I yearned so much for. I also saw that these same people purposely were willing to tear me down and outcast me for no reason other than their own enjoyment. I’ve cried and prayed so much over this and although, it continued to get worse I still continued in denial hoping that one day I would feel loved by my own family.
The Catalyst for Cutting Off Toxic Relationships
I went away a couple of months ago and what was supposed to be a nice trip turned into a nightmare. I became the center of two unfortunate situations in which family members spewed lies about me trying to tarnish my reputation and put blame on me for things that I didn’t do. Even with proof, these lies got even more out of control and ended up being the very thing that split my family apart.
After trying to fix this so many times, I came to realization that they didn’t want it to be fixed and what concerns me the most is that they were very quick to cut me out for something I didn’t do. There were very hateful words said to me and I was made to feel like this was my fault when, in reality, this situation was the result of someone else’s manipulation, anger and jealousy, all of which are out of my control.
Over the past few months, this really took a toll on my physical, mental and emotional health, which in conjunction, spilled over into other aspects of my life. It was hard to heal from all these years of pain and I’m not done yet, but I’m getting there. After all of the awful things that I have been put through, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back and a turning point for me. I learned a really big life lesson and will be more protective of my heart in the future. I finally saw things for what they were and realized a few things that I was blinded to since the beginning.
If you want to see more posts from my healing journey, read here.
Reasons Why You Should Let Go of Toxic Relationships
1.) You can’t change people. You think you can, but you can’t. Everyone is set in their ways and as much as you love them and want them to be different, they won’t ever be. This is something that has to be accepted in order to move forward.
2.) Some things are out of your control. I will admit, I am a control freak to an extent, especially when it comes to people not liking me for whatever reason. I like to think I’m a likable, friendly person but I’ve realized that there will always be people that don’t like me and that’s okay. It’s not something I can control. And sometimes, situations are out of our control and you just have to deal with it the best you can.
3.) This isn’t your fault. When you feel so low, it’s hard to believe that you didn’t do anything wrong but there comes a time when you have realize that sometimes you are not at fault and this isn’t something that you could have prevented. Don’t beat yourself up over something that you didn’t even do.
4.) Unhealthy relationships need to go. As a positive person, there is only so much negativity I can take. I am a person that absorbs other people emotions. I can feel what they are feeling and it can be so overwhelming. When it’s constant negativity, it’s hard to feel good about yourself. There comes a time when this negativity consumes your life in an unhealthy way and the only way to rid yourself of it is to cut people off that are causing it.
5.) Things happen for a reason. I’m a huge believer that all things, no matter how joyful or painful they may be, happen for reasons unknown to us. I also believe that good comes from every situation and while looking back on the hardest points of my life, I see the good that came from it so I know that everything will turn out okay.
Finally seeing the light and the situation for what it was, gave me the courage to do something that I should have done a long time ago. I cut ties with my toxic family members.
I finally accepted that they weren’t going to change…that I would never be treated in the respectful, loving way I wanted…that I would never feel welcome in their presence…that I was never going to be treated in the same way that I saw others being treated…and that they were never going to understand my dreams or even who I was as a person.
Instead of feeling lost and hopeless, I feel light and encouraged. No longer will my life be dictated by someone who does not have my best interest in mind…or will I feel bad about myself regarding my goals, dreams, appearance, finances, career, etc….or will I feel the need to constantly “prove myself” as worthy…or will I let people say awful things, call me names or make me feel bad about myself….or will I waste my time crying over something I can’t control…or keep going back to the people that have told me they don’t care about me.
Though my heart was broken for a long time, the negativity and ugly words of my past have subsided and I feel like I can finally be myself and live my life the way I want without living in fear of doing something wrong. The weight that has been bearing down on me for so long has been removed and I’m finally free….because I chose to be.
xo
It is so hard when the toxic people are your family. I had to distance myself from a friend and it was so hard but necessary! Thank you for sharing!
Such a beautifully written post. I 100% agree with you and its come to the point I have had to totally cut quite a few people out of my life. Keep your head up and just be you!
Thank you for sharing your personal story and situation. I agree, that toxic relationships are unhealthy. Keep up the great work Lizzie!
Thanks Jessica! I really appreciate it.
This is always a hard thing to deal with. You’re right, there are times when walking away and putting up healthy boundaries are the best things you can do for yourself. Not because you hate others, but because it is good for yourself (and that’s not a selfish thing)! Thanks for sharing this with us, and I’m glad you are taking care of yourself too.
Mary
https://www.themarycurator.com/
This skirt looks so pretty! <3
X Merel
http://www.andathousandwords.com
I loooove your honesty. It’s always good to look inward during tough times!
ps. beautiful skirt – love this look on you!
xx Rebecca // http://www.rebeccapiersol.me
Aw thanks Rebecca!
You’re so gorgeous! Thank you for posting this. I’m struggling with somebody toxic too… Yesterday this was heavy on my mind. Life is hard sometimes.
Yes, yes, yes!! While I loved reading this post because it is so honest and well written it also breaks my heart to know you are dealing with this. I have had some toxic relationships in my life, they were hell to get over and recognize I am worth more than that. Fortunately they were not members of my family, so after years of dealing with them, when I was finally done, it was easier to cut them off. I feel for you. You are beautiful, wonderful, smart, driven, a hard worker and just overall amazing. Keep your head up, as my mom always says, this too shall pass.
xx, Elise
http://www.sparkleandslippers.blogspot.com
Impossible to guess this situation when we see your lovely pictures … most of your conclusions are right … you don’t change people and you can’t control everything and even less everyone! But I always say … do things for you … be proud and live without regret … it’s not possible that everyone loves you but it’s not a problem … learn to say no (that’s a difficult lesson but a very important one) … and be yourself, always 🙂
https://4highheelsfans.wordpress.com/2017/07/30/holidays-in-tuscany-the-apartment/
Thank you Louis! I hide it well haha! I am definitely really bad about not saying no, but I am learning. Thank you for these reminders. You are so right!
Toxic relationships suck ecspecially when it’s family. When good things happen your first thought is to always call your family because they are family right. I hope you and your family can make things up and this will bring you guys closer.
Thank you Autum! Unfortunately, this has been many, many years in the making so I don’t think it can ever be fixed. I do know that thing swill get better though. <3
I think it is doubly hard to get rid of toxic family, with friends it may be a little easier. Good luck you can do this.
Gosh, girl!! I am so sorry that you’ve had to go through this. Of course because you are a strong woman, you will make it through, but it doesn’t make it any easier or nicer. It’s the worst when it’s family, because you always think that blood is thicker than water. But really? I’ve found that’s only a saying—and many times an untrue one.
There are people that love you, and it’s so much better to hang out with them.!!
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Thanks for sharing this, Lizzie. <3 I can't imagine how hard this was to write! It really does suck when those toxic people in your life end up being family…sometimes you just have to let go and that's ok. Keep doing you, babe!
Toxic relationships can really take a toll on anyone and they are especially difficult when they are family members. The important thing to remember is your self worth and doing what if best for you, Let people go when they serve you no purpose.
This outfit is stunning, and this post is so incredible and important! Things really do happen for a reason, as hard as it may be to believe!
We have very similar experiences so I can definitely relate. At the end of the day our happiness is what matters most. Selflessness may seem harsh but we weren’t born to please others. I’m happy that you’ve made the decision to choose you! Thanks for sharing.
Jessica ♥ | THE WAY TO MY HART
IG – @THEWAYTOMYHART
Lizzie! I am so sorry to hear you had to go through this especially it was your family members putting you down. It’s mostly jealousy:(( I can relate in some ways, l was always surrounded by too many negative people and when I started blogging…I started changing my ways by removing toxic friends and keeping my distance from negative people. I learned to be more private about myself and not give in too many information to everyone I talk to. I stick with positive people that I can trust and lift up my spirits! You are a good inspiration❤️ Xo
I found your blog through another’s but I want to say that this was deep and I understand what you’re going through, perfectly. Family can be… *sigh* Great post!
-Lena
L.E.N.A | Revealed
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Oh, thank you so much Lena! Not exactly the post I wanted to welcome you with lol! But I am so glad to know that I am not alone. <3
I feel your pain Liz. I just hope you don’t totally protect your heart because that’s when we really feel love. I know that sounds crazy but as I have gotten older I’ve realized that growth and love come out of pain. Things do happen for a reason because we learn and change. Thanks for sharing your struggles. Loving this tulle skirt and bag!
http://www.kathrineeldridge.com
Knowing that you experienced this struggle deeply breaks my heart Lizzie. I couldn’t imagine that this happened to you. Letting go of that toxic relationship was the best decision dear. Always sorround yourself with positive people who will lift you up and don’t ever let those negative people bring you down. Let’s just pray that God will enlighten the hearts of your family dear. Hope someday they will realized how beautiful you are inside and out and will accept you wholeheartedly. Sending you lots of love my dear friend!💗💕
https://ootdbytim.wordpress.com
This is such a great post and honestly what I needed to hear tonight. Such a hard thing to go through but I appreciate your honesty.
xo,
Steph
@trendyinindy || trendyinindy.com
What a cute dreamy look!
Thank you for your honesty and for spilling what was on your heart today. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this! I totally agree that no matter how hard it may be, those toxic relationships are unhealthy and need to go no matter how difficult it is to move on. Sending so many good thoughts your way babe!
That sounds like an awful situation to be in and I am so glad you are starting to over come all of this and have some peace. I have had problems with my family too so I totally get it. It is hard sometimes to pretend everything is perfect in photos especially when you are having a bad day
xo
http://www.laurajaneatelier.com
I am so sorry you to read this 🙁 You will come out on top- I too am a person that absorbs others emotions and it can be exhausting, so say the least. Cutting out toxic people is so much harder than it seems- but so worth it. Way to go for being brave and taking a stand- you will reap the benefits. Thank you for sharing- I know you have inspired so many with your words. XO
I needed to read this in a bad way today because I’m in the middle of a situation that is very draining and exhausting. While I hate letting go of friendships, I think it’s important to not mourn what once was and to let things happen naturally! Thanks so much for sharing Lizzie!
xo, Sara
Hey girl. It’s so true – things do happen for a reason! Thank you for opening up.
I am so sorry you are going through this! Cutting out toxic people, especially if they are family members, is so hard to do. I have been cutting out friends who have been so toxic to me– it has been hard but in the end I know it is for the best. Thank you for sharing.
Lizzie, I totally understand you; I was dealing with the exact same thing once. At one point, I realized that no matter how good I am or how hard I try, it’s never going to be enough. People would always find imperfections and something to blame you for. You made the right decision and I thank you for sharing that; I am happy to realize I am not the only one.
Yuliannova
These are all so true! So brave of you to open up!
Thank you Nicole!
I am so, so very sorry that you have been dealing with this. It’s always hardest when the toxic relationships are with family not friends. While I’ve not experienced this myself I do have some friends in the same situation and I totally feel for you! I am happy that you’ve come to these realizations and know that you are good enough the way you are, that you are doing things worthy of love and praise, and that you will find people who are there to lift you up rather than put you down.
xo,
Laura
http://www.have-need-want.com/blog
Congratulations! You did very brave and incredibly difficult thing. It is relatively easy to stop toxic relationships, when those people are friends. It is so painful and almost impossible when family members are involved.
Anna
http://www.glamadventure.com
I agree. Letting go of friendships is much easier than letting go of family, especially when it’s nearly all of your family. But it’s okay! These things happen for a reason and it will much better for me in the long run.
I really adore that bag! and yas girl for letting go!!
Sabrina | Gypsy Tan
http://www.gypsytan.co
This is so important. It can be such a struggle to let go of toxic relationships, but in the end the relief is so good for you. You certainly can’t change people, and you don’t need the added stress from those relationships.
Molly // Miss Molly Moon
Yes to this! If you can’t do anything about it, there is no reason to stress about it. It is what it is. 🙂
YES, girl! Such a good post. There is no value in toxic relationships that bring you down. But, man they are tough to shake off. Stay strong!
xo, Amanda
http://www.aglamlifestyle.com
Gosh, this is definitely something I have struggled with over the years and as I entered my 30’s something I had to deal with head on…. it is even more difficult when you are dealing with family!!! I love your wisdom and could not agree with your statements above, more… ps you look STUNNING! Love the photography and a huge congrats on your launch XO
So sorry you have had to go through all of this, but it sounds like you are on the road to healing. Toxic relationships can definitely take a toll on your health, and it’s hard to escape when it’s a family member. Hang in there girl, and stay positive!
-Tristan
Aww Lizzie, I’m so sorry that you had to experience this situation. You seem to have a positive mindset going forward which will certainly help.
It happens to everyone 🙂 I appreciate the encouragement!
oh girl, I’m so sorry you had to go through this! toxic relationships aren’t worth your energy. hang in there, lady!
xo Emily
http://www.thehipsuburban.com
Thank you so much Emily! I really appreciate it!
Such a great post love. Thank you so much for sharing your heart.
-Adriana
http://www.leopardmartini.com
Thank you so much, Adriana!
Thank you so much for sharing Samara! I truly hope that things are better with you now <3 It's definitely a difficult but necessary change. Wishing you lots of love, positivity and success!