Happy Monday, beauties!
I hope you had an amazinggg weekend! I spent both days playing catch up and relaxing 🙂
I decided to do something a bit different for this post….a desert shoot – yay! Also, I am starting my “Real Talk” series today. I’ll be discussing the difficulty of comparing yourself to others (and of course, my outfit details for this floral boho dress).
Floral Boho Dress Outfit Idea & Comparing Yourself to Others
Outfit Details:
Dress: Morning Lavender c/o (also love this, this, and this) | Shoes: Free People (old) | Hammitt c/o | Necklace | Bracelet | Ring: (old – identical here)
Floral Boho Dress Outfit Idea
So last weekend, my husband and I decided to spontaneously drive to the desert for some sunset photos. This is the first time we’ve taken photos in the evening and the first time we’ve experimented with a desert shoot. I wasn’t sure what to expect because it’s not a location I would normally use, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I loved it! The wind was CRAZY! I should also note that I saw my first rattlesnake….like three feet away from me. That’s probably the fastest I’ve ever run in heels haha!
Nevertheless, I love how this floral boho dress looked in this environment…. and the blowing wind was just an added bonus (even if it was a bit difficult lol). Anyway, this Morning Lavender floral boho dress is absolutely stunning! I love the floral print, flutter sleeves and hi-lo hem. I paired it with my lace up sandals, dainty gold jewelry and the prettiest shoulder bag for a slightly boho chic look. <3
Comparing Yourself to Others
Now on to some serious business. In the past, a lot of you had asked for more personal posts. I am always reluctant to share too much about myself because I’m a fairly private person. However, I do think connecting to others is very important, which is why I am starting this Real Talk series in the first place. I want this to be a place where we can connect and share stories, advice and encouragement with one another. I know that there are so many issues that we all go through and we may not always have the support we need, so I am hoping that this series will help those that are struggling.
With that being said, today I’m talking about comparing yourself to others. This is not only a blogger specific topic. This is a human-being specific topic. Time to be honest….. for the past month, I have been feeling super discouraged and defeated. Instagram has been acting crazy with engagement constantly going down, randomly shadow banning people for using hashtags (isn’t that the point?), followers unfollowing and just overall, being a huge source of frustration for bloggers, including myself.
A social media that I used to LOVE is becoming a source of fear, anxiety and uncertainty. What’s even more frustrating is that I was set to launch my Instagram course next month and now everything has changed. I have been trying to utilize Pinterest and I seriously have no idea what I’m doing. I have been working my butt off trying to find the right opportunities for my blog and have come up empty handed. I see other many bloggers getting the opportunities that I so desperately want and feel like would be a perfect fit for my brand. And I’m wondering why I can’t get those opportunities too.
I have noticed that certain editing and clothing styles are more popular than others and it makes me wonder if my branding is holding me back or keeping me from getting these opportunities. Am doing something wrong? Is this what I need to do to be a serious blogger? Being a full-time blogger was the ultimate dream and it seems like feelings of excitement and giddiness have been replaced with feelings of not being good enough and the pressure to be perfect.
In my two years of blogging, I can honestly say that I have never felt this way. I have never felt envious or stressed out or discouraged through my blogging. I have a hard time handling it because I have worked too hard and put my heart and soul into this little blog of mine to be discouraged about something so silly. And the sad thing is is that I’m not the only one feeling like this. I see it all the time and is so upsetting… but we allow ourselves to feel this way and it can easily consume our lives if we let it.
There are some things that we can’t control, no matter how much work we put into it. Social media will always be changing. Our blog will always be changing. There will always be people out there with more followers, a better wardrobe and getting better opportunities. This is a fact and we can’t control these things… but we can control the way we handle our emotions. Instead, I think that sometimes our emotions control us and it’s a slippery slope that is hard to come back from.
We have to change our mindset and stop thinking on the surface and instead, think about these situations from a different point of view. That girl with more followers has probably been blogging for many, many years and likely sacrificed a lot to get to the that point. You cannot possibly compare yourself to someone who has being doing this much longer than you have. Five months blogging and five years blogging are not the same by any means.
You learn and grow so much during that time and will be on completely different levels. And those opportunities that others get just might not be the right fit for you. Or it simply might not be the right time. You cannot beat yourself up and lose sleep over this. You have to remember all the amazing opportunities you’ve been given that haven’t been given to others. We are all different and therefore, we will all receive different opportunities at different times.
Patience is something that really comes in handy when blogging and this is no different. Also, don’t feel like you have to wear the same clothes or edit your feed the same as everyone else. Bring unique and standing out is an important trait to have in this business. Do what makes you happy and feels right and don’t feel that you have to follow in the foot steps of everyone else.
In this post, I share a lot of tips on how to overcome the comparison trap. I feel like it is SOOO important to write down your “wins” – both big and small. These come in handy when envy starts creeping in and make you realize just how far you’ve come. It also makes you realize that anything is possible.
Looking back, I see the progress in my growth…in my photos…in my branding. I am constantly learning and evolving… and I made the decision to start a business from this. Obviously, I saw potential. However, envy can made it hard to concentrate and slowing down everything that you’ve worked so hard to build up. Envy is a waste of time. A better use of time would be to act on certain things that need to be done in order to achieve your dreams. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we should be comparing ourselves…to US!
We should always strive to better ourselves and our craft. We should be setting bigger goals and crushing them. We should be confident enough to know that we ARE good enough and worthy of success. Not wasting our time on something as petty as comparing ourselves to others. You are so much better than that.
You may not even realize it but there are so many people out there that look up to you. They come to read your blog everyday. You have made them excited about fashion. You have helped them by styling outfits, reviewing products and sharing tutorials. They follow along on all of your adventures.
They haven’t even met you but they want to get to know you better and may even consider you a friend…in fact, YOU may even be their favorite blogger. They show love, support and encouragement by commenting on your posts, liking your photos and sending personal emails just to let you know how much of an inspiration you are to them. These are the people that have given you the opportunities that were deemed impossible and are the reason that you finally get to chase your dreams and do what you love.
You cannot possibly see this if you are constantly stuck in an endless game of comparison. You really have to think about it…who are you doing this for? Are you doing this to compete with others to make yourself feel better or to nurture relationships with the readers and followers that value and look up to you? I think the choice is clear. We have to stop letting ourselves feel this way and concentrate on the things that really matter.
Your turn:
I’d love to know when you most recently felt the effects of comparison and what you did about it.
I hope you enjoyed the first post in the series (let me know your thoughts)! Many more to come 🙂 And I hope you love this floral boho dress!
xo
Shop the Post:
Beautiful photos! I agree with others, the desert shots are gorgeous and really fit your aesthetic. (Also, I love Morning Lavender!)
Being new to the blogging world I’m constantly trying to create boundaries for myself so I don’t get into comparison. I’ve a severely limited budget and resources, but I keep reminding myself that I am doing my best with what I have. Still, comparing what others have actually drew me to focus more on what I had to offer. I’m a writer primarily, and really focused on not only getting better photography but to put more personal writing in my posts. I’ve been happy to see how more and more people are commenting and telling me how much they like the writing. Sometimes I like to look back on what I started in March and remember how much I’ve learned in a few months. I am still growing, but I am definitely encouraged when I focus on my own progress and not the progress of others.
Mary
https://www.themarycurator.com/
This is so pretty! Love those shoes girl!
xo, Amanda | http://www.thegoldengirldiary.com
Thanks so much Amanda!
I love the contrast of florals in the desert. Such a great look!
Love the desert shoot! Your floral dress is perfect for it, and I think the photos turned out so well. Comparison is so tough!
Amy Ann
Straight A Style
Thanks so much Amy Ann!
great photo location! you look stunning!
kelseybang.com
Thanks so much Kelsey!
Hi Lizzie,
I loved this article. I think I compare myself to others because my life is so different to many bloggers in Switzerland. They are below 25, single and without kids. They have the time to travel while I can’t, I have a child and work 80% in the UN (which would be ultimate dream for many people). My time is limited so I learn to embrace opportunities that I get and remember that these brands want to work with me because I am older, have a child, husband and family life and work at the same time. I am learning to see all this as positives and concentrate on that. Make me blog more about family and motherhood. And still fashion of course. :-))
And btw, I LOOOVE this desert shoot. You should do it more often, dear!
X
Miri
http://currentlywearing.com
These photos turned out amazing! I love this floral dress!
xx,
Amanda || http://www.fortheloveofglitter.com
First, the desert shots turned out AMAZING!! Secondly, GREAT POST. I can often get discouraged in regards to social media and comparing myself to other bloggers, but the second that thought gets in my head, one of my kids is calling my name and shortly forgotten. I guess my point is, stay busy…too busy to think too much about it 😉
xoxo
Tiffani
http://www.tiffaniatbretonbay.com
Okay I love this shoot. Your dress is beautiful and I love the scenery! Gorgeous! I totally understand where you’re coming from here and it’s tough. I struggle with this and have to take a step back and put things in perspective. blogging is really important to me, but not sacrificing time with my family and kids. I try to keep it in check by thinking of how much the other bloggers have had to sacrifice to get where they are.
You are so right! They have had to sacrifice so much to get to where they are, but we are all on different paths and have different obligations. I don’t think anything is worth sacrificing family and kids <3
Oh Liz, you need not feel any of that. You are doing so good – remind yourself that! PS – your dress is amazing! It’s one of my favorites of yours!
Jessica | notjessfashion.com
Comparison is the thief of Joy. Sometimes we question why we can get the same opportunities as our fellow blogger but we just have to keep doing what we love and creating great contents until we get that opportunity we think we deserve. There’s a time for everything and as a fellow blogger I’d say you are doing amazing just keep pushing through, it’s life there are ups and down. At the end of the day, never be defeated !
Unto your outfit, I love it and I almost didn’t recognise you in the first picture, I love this location, there’s a beauty to it.
Bernie, xx
The Style Fanatic
I agree! Thanks so much Benita! I think we all do it at some point but it’s so important to focus on ourselves and our brand. We can move forward if we’re being held back by comparing ourselves to others.
FIrst this is a beautiful dress and you got great photos of it! 🙂
Second, I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling that way! It’s hard not to compare ourselves to others, but just as they don’t know what goes on behind the scenes with us we have no idea what they’ve done to get to where they are. It’s a good habit to try break.
Hope you are having a lovely week so far 🙂
Away From The Blue Blog
Comparing yourself to anyone else is a trap you don’t want to fall into because once you do it’s hard to get out. Focus, instead, each morning on doing great work in your own beautiful, unique way and believe that the things you wish for are possible. As for your dress…gorgeous! And that backdrop is amazing!
Mary
http://marymurnane.com
What a gorgeous photoshoot spot! I love this dress, it’s SO stunning!
Thanks so much Sandy!
Thanks for sharing Liz. I understand completely what you mean. It’s funny because I was on your insta and saying wow I love her feed and can never get that quality myself or that number of followership as every time I see my numbers climb, just as many unfollow and engagement remains low. Whilst before I used to see engagement throughout the day, now it’s secluded to sporatic moments and usually only right after I post. I’m sure I’m shadow banned without knowing it. In fact I just read about another blogger who is overcoming her shadow banning. Pinterest has been having some issues as well, where they did a massive sweep of accounts and dropped everyone’s followers. Even large group boards which used to be a huge source of traffic and a pain to get into are now not as valid as they used to be, it’s focused on smaller niche boards. This comparison is so difficult to get rid of as a blogger. I do it DAILY and it drives me nuts I’ve been blogging as a hobby for a decade and have only become serious about my blog in the last 1.5 years, following all the rules, setting my brand and social accounts as a professional. It’s so much work and often you wonder what for when you look at others and say, why not me?? I hear you sister but encouraging posts like these help us remember we are human and we must continue on and not look at others. Competition is good but it’s not what defines us, after all, we started blogging because we wanted to express ourselves, not compare.
Would love to connect further at http://the-wardrobe-stylist.com/2017/05/07/work-wear-tips/
Oh Rania, you are doing so amazing! It’s definitely not you. It’s Instagram. I get HUNDREDS of unfollows everyday, but it is what it is. You don’t want those people there anyway because they won’t engage with you. You want people following you that genuinely care about your content and about what you have to say. My photos and feed are definitely not perfect. I really have been working so hard to improve everything and still have a long way to go. I think that as long as you are constantly growing and learning then you are going in the right direction. Pinterest is like a foreign language to me lol! I want to utilize it more but others are saying that there are problems there too!And I definitely feel you…there is SO much pressure. I never felt this way until recently. You are definitely not alone, but do know that you have had opportunities that other haven’t and that there are people that look up to you as well. Concentrate on those small (or big) wins and use those to propel you forward. You should only ever compare yourself to You instead of others, but it’s definitely easier said than done. <3
Such a terrific post Lizzie. I really enjoyed reading every bit of this. As far as your photos, they are gorgeous. The desert background is amazing, you dress is so beautiful and you look so happy. Love this!
xx, Elise
http://www.sparkleandslippers.blogspot.com
Thanks so much Elise!! I appreciate it!
You look so gorgeous! I can so relate to all of this. It’s hard not to compare yourself to everyone, and social media makes it even harder. I try not to look at numbers (easier said than done) but it will honestly drive anyone crazy! I have been writing down my “wins” as you mentioned, and it really does help boost confidence.
-Tristan
http://www.thepolishedposy.com
Social media makes everything so much harder! Yes, writing even the smallest wins will help out a lot!
Breath taking phots, and great honest insight, I can relate to all you’ve said, going from really proud and pleased to envious and wanting! Thanks Liz I’m one who loves reading and seeing your blog. x Jacqui
http://www.mummabstylish.com
Thanks so much Jacqui! You’re the best! Our feelings go all over the place lol!
Thanks so much Audrey!
Oh Chelsea, I am so glad! You are definitely none of those things! You are a beautiful, hardworking lady with a ton of followers that look up to you and care about what you have to say. Patience is huge in blogging. Every baby step is a bigger step toward the future. I promise you! Instagram is bringing everyone down, but we have to push forward and keep going because it’s completely out of our control. I’m thankful to have met you too, girl!
definitely! Use it to propel you forward instead of holding you back 🙂
Definitely! There is always room for everyone!
Isn’t it lovely?
Girl, you spoke to my heart. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. I really appreciate your input so much and that gives me a whole new perspective..something I think I lost along the way recently. Follower count doesn’t mean so much anymore. You are doing AMAZING and have a loyal audience to comes to see what you are sharing every day. That is so special! The opportunities will come as long as you keep learning and growing. I promise you! <3
Thanks so much Brittany!
Thanks so much Jenny!
It’s very easy, but you are right. We have to remember WHY we are doing this and keep that in the forefront of our mind. 🙂
Comparison is so awful! Thank you Shira! you are doing so great too! Just keep doing what you’re doing and the magic will start to happen 🙂
You are so right! We are all in this together and I am glad that we all have formed this loving community where it is safe to share your thoughts and fears.With good times, comes bad times and that is just the nature of life. We learn from those times to make the future better! Haha! I’m not scared of snakes at all, but just the sound of the rattle frightened me. I’ve never run so fast over uneven ground hahah! Thank you for that! I definitely believe that too. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much beauty!
Thanks so much Debbie! It’s so hard to share sometimes but I think that it’s important. I didn’t realize how many other felt this way and it makes me feel a little less alone. So glad to have you as a friend!
I love them too! Thanks so much Nita! Instagram is so crazy but its happening to everyone right now and while it’s frustrating, it’s out of our hands. Time to focus on what really matters 🙂
Thanks so much Jenn! I am so glad that I’m not alone here. I think lot of us are in this position currently.
Thanks so much Lauren!
Thanks so much Emma!
Thanks so much Monica!
Thanks so much, Liz! It means a lot to hear it from you.