I had a dream.
I was standing on top of a hill overlooking two paths. To my right was a beautiful, colorful city with sparkling lights and to my left… a lonely, dark broken-down shack. In my dream, I felt joy from both but I knew in my heart that I had move out of the shack that I had loved for so many years and into the city where each light was a new possibility.
When I asked for a sign, this is what I got. Clear as day. In fact, this was one of many. But I still wasn’t convinced so I asked for another and would you believe that the second I opened Instagram, I saw a story available from someone that normally doesn’t pop up. I clicked on it and it was just one story that said “If you’re looking for a sign, this is it.” I must have looked at this a hundred times in disbelief until I let it run onto the next story from someone else (that I don’t even follow – is that even possible?), which happened to be people dancing to “I saw the sign” from Ace of Base. I knew that it was time to make a decision and I wept…. tears of happiness for the hope that I had for the future and tears of sadness for the door that I was about to close.
Today is the day that I’ve been waiting for a very long time. When I imagined my dream life decades ago, I thought it would look much different than it does today but life has a funny way of working out and in such a way that seems to be even better than the original plan itself. People say that childhood dreams don’t come true but I’m living proof that they do.
Fashion design has always been in the forefront of my mind. I started sketching at a young age, created my own “magazine” and learned how to hand sew clothing for my Barbies, stuffed animals and myself. In high school, I was always known for my unique outfits and would frequently style friends and family. In college, I did not have access to fashion design courses so I created my own curriculum by learning about marketing and furthering my skill in sketching, figure drawing and sculpture, where I created wearable dresses out of household items (toilet paper, wire, newspaper, etc). And every week, I watched Project Runway religiously with a sketchbook in hand vigorously sketching designs along with the show’s designers.
Even with this passion… this fire burning inside of me, the doors kept closing. I couldn’t understand why. I wanted this more than anything in the world. But I never gave up because I knew that someday, I would find a way to make it work. I just didn’t know how. Did I question myself? Yes. So many times. I saw people my age starting these amazing careers while I was trying to figure out a way to chase my dream (and struggling my way through it). I thought that maybe somehow I had missed the memo of how life was supposed to be and that maybe I was just a little bit too stubborn… too much of a dreamer but really, there were just a lot of things coming together behind the scenes.
Which brings me here. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that sometimes doors close so that others can open, even though we don’t quite understand why at the time. Although the path looks a lot different than I had imagined, it was no mistake that I started this blog and at the time, I didn’t realize what it would become and how much of an impact it would on my life. I went through SO many obstacles, overcame SO many hardships, had SO many doors slammed in my face, was told NO thousands of times and finally… FINALLY the stars have aligned and the timing is right. I can finally see that the doors closed previously so that this one could open. And now that it’s here, I have to close one of the biggest and most fulfilling chapters of my life.
On my birthday, I announced my retirement to my guitar students, some of which I’ve had for five years. It’s a decision I’ve been thinking about for over a year and to be honest, I never thought this day would come. I loved teaching guitar…I mean I LOVED it with all of my being! And I loved my students even more. They were like family to me during a time that I didn’t really have one. With this decision, my very first business of 13 years suddenly vanished and I started to feel self doubt. I cried for over a month straight and felt so much pain in my heart…. like the literally pain of my heart breaking into a million pieces. It actually took me two weeks to open the cards and gifts from my students because it just hurt too much.
My last day was actually a few weeks ago but I’ve been so busy traveling that I haven’t had a chance to breathe and just take it all in… but now it’s starting to sink in and once again, I have a flood of emotions – such a bittersweet feeling! Tears of sadness and tears of joy with an overwhelming sense of gratefulness. As hard as it was (and still is) moving on from something that I’ve put so much love into for over a decade, I understand that this is where I need to be in this moment. It’s finally come full circle for me and my resilience, patience, persistence and passion have finally paid off. The doors that were once closed have now been opened in a completely new direction, something that I had never imagined for myself. The obstacles I’ve had in the past gave me hope for the future and looking back, I can see that things really do happen for a reason. Life works out in such unexpected ways!
The funny things is that I was never a writer…and I definitely never had an interest in sharing my thoughts and feelings with the rest of the world. I just wanted to share my outfits and somehow that small decision has completely changed my life. To this day, I still love to share my outfits and I take pride in getting dressed but now my purpose seems much bigger than that. One day, I hope to empower women to embrace their femininity through my own clothing designs but until then, I want to continue inspiring all of you – to chase your own dreams no matter how big or small… no matter what age you are, where you live or what your circumstances are.
It’s a funny thing. I always wondered how I could make a difference in other people’s lives. I wondered how I could possibly make others feel good about themselves, make them feel like they were worthy and give them hope for a better future. I always thought that I was a bit vain since I was so drawn to material things like fashion and beauty and I just didn’t understand how this aligned with my bigger purpose. And I felt bad about it for a long time. I wanted to be a positive role, a good friend, a genuine person and I thought I had to do something grand like be a missionary or work for non-profit in order to help others… but I never realized that the very thing that I was looking for was in front of me all along. It’s always been there. And it’s always been a part of me.
I truly believe that when you have a passion for something so deep, it can’t be ignored. And now I understand that my passion and my purpose can be the same thing and I’m so incredibly thankful that my path has led me here. I’m overflowing with so many differing emotions right now and honestly, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing but I do know that it’s right thing and I am just so excited to see what the future holds.
I honestly have the BEST readers (aka BFFs) in the world and I know that many of you have been following along since the very beginning, which is so special to me. You all are so kind, thoughtful, encouraging and supportive. You’ve been with me through a lot these past few years and I can’t put into words how thankful I am for all of you. I wouldn’t be typing this if it wasn’t for you and I truly hope that my blog makes you feel beautiful, worthy, motivated and inspired with each post.
Thank you for continuing to support me and joining me for this adventure!
Love you all so much!! <3
Read the complete story of how I started my blog here!