The end of the year has always been a time of reflection for me. I always love the fresh start of the new year with new possibilities, new goals and the promise of a new self. Writing a reflection post is something I do every year and looking back on my posts from previous years (here, here and here) brings me to tears in the best possible way. They’ve become more meaningful over time with more substance and this year I want to share all the raw, real details with you all as I’m reflecting on 2018: what went well, what needs to be worked on and what I’ve learned this past year.
Reflecting on 2018: Learning to Let Go
This year has been especially hard for me personally. All the trauma I’ve gone through in my life built up and exposed itself ugly self this year… all at once. I was an overwhelmed emotional mess and burnt out from taking on too much. My blog is and always has been a place of encouragement, happiness and joy so sharing the not-so-great details of “real life” has always been a bit of a challenge for me as I tend to keep these details of my life more private. But now, I’m ready to let go of the past and I’m so lucky to have such a supportive and encouraging community…not only that encourages me, but that encourages one another.
A few weeks ago, I went on a trip with an amazing group of bloggers. We all initially connected through our shared love of blogging and later on, unexpectedly through our journeys to create our blogs, our triumphs and our hardships. We felt less connected on a superficial level and more connected through our real and raw life experiences. Instead of feeling exposed and embarrassed, we were all met with love, support and encouragement. I realized that each and every one of us has a story and behind every seemingly “perfect” blogger is an incredible tale of perseverance, resilience and passion and that no matter what one person goes through, there is always someone else that understands completely. The hardships we endure open the biggest doors and I do truly believe that everything we go through carves the path that we are meant to be on.
What Went Well This Year
At the beginning of each year, I set a list of goals for myself and by mid year, I hit what I thought would be impossible. I feel like I challenged myself this year more than any other and although I say this every year, this really is the best year I’ve ever had professionally. Things that I once believed to only exist in dreams became a reality for myself this year and I realized my true potential in an industry that I fought hard to break into – an industry that I never gave up on even when I was met with years of tears, heartbreak and what seemed like an endless amount of obstacles.
This was there year that I finally gave up the stability of my “real world” substitute teaching job and my previously undecided future as a teacher was finally clear as day. It was scary to leave a semi-stable job to become a full-fledged entrepreneur but it was something I knew needed to be done as every single career choice I’ve consciously made in my life was for my lifelong dream of working in the fashion industry.
I’ve been working toward this since I was five and even with all the obstacles I’ve overcome to get here, this was the first year where I truly felt that the dream I’ve been pursuing for so long was finally within reach. It was a terrifying and exciting realization and if I’ve learned anything from the past, it’s that things don’t always work out the way you expect them to…but rather, work out in the way they are supposed to and in their own timing. I don’t know how 2018 can be topped but if the patterns of years past continue, then 2019 will be a crazy, amazing and exciting journey ahead.
What Needs to Be Worked On
You know, it’s ironic that people view me as a “real life Disney princess” because my life story is not that far off from Cinderella’s.
This year was eye-opening and challenging and it took a toll on me in every way imaginable. What you didn’t see behind the scenes was a tired, burnt out individual that didn’t feel like she measured up… a person that felt so emotionally damaged from other people, that she didn’t see her true worth…a person that didn’t recognize herself and desperately wanted to feel normal again.
To make a long story short, this was the year that I made the hardest decision of my life – to cut off my entire family. After years of emotional and mental abuse, I knew I had to do this for myself. What I didn’t know was how hard the process would be. I have never suffered the kind of emotional distress that I suffered this year. I went through a grieving period where I felt like an emotional wreck and couldn’t quite understand what was happening. I started having trouble sleeping and developed health issues. I started to lose motivation and excitement for the things I loved and worked so hard for. I couldn’t understand it and that was probably the most frustrating thing because I just wanted to feel like myself again.
In the past, I was made to feel so small and like nothing I ever did was good enough. I was made to feel like I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, skinny enough… that my dreams were far fetched and unattainable because I wasn’t good enough to get there….and for the longest time, I believed it. These beliefs spilled over into my professional life. I started comparing myself to others and feeling bad when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to. I started caring way too much about what others thought of me and about what everyone else was doing instead of staying in my own lane. I am the type of person that soaks up other’s emotions so when that negativity started affecting every part of my life, I knew it was time to let go.
Realizing the truth about how your family treats you is heartbreaking enough but completely cutting everyone out of your life purposely is a very, very difficult and lonely process. Even after, I still felt controlled by their words and actions and I had no idea that the decision to take back my life would result in me losing more than just my family. But you know, I don’t regret this and only wish I would have made this decision sooner.
What I’ll be continuing to work on in the new year is letting go of the past and creating a new future for myself: a future filled with hope, happiness and big dreams surrounded by people that support and love me. I’ll be working on my self-esteem, my health and making an effort to put myself first. I have come a long way this last year and I finally feel like I’m on the incline and getting closer and closer to becoming the person I once was and the person I want to be <3
What Did This Year Teach Me
This is probably my favorite part of reflecting on the past year because each year, I find myself learning a new and valuable life lesson. This year, I learned, what I feel, is the biggest lesson of all – that only you are in charge of your own happiness. Do NOT depend on other people to make you happy or to fill that void that is missing in your life. Ultimately, we are in charge of our own destinies and no matter what anyone else thinks, as long as our decisions make us happy, then that’s all that matters. I’ve learned that everyone always has an opinion and they may not be supportive of your endeavors, but at the end of the day, they are not the one that has to live with it. They don’t know the deepest passions of your heart and sometimes risks are involved to get to where you want to be. Most importantly, if they ever make you feel less than or that you are not good enough in any way, then they don’t deserve a place in your life. Period.
I’ve realized that family doesn’t always mean blood and I’m finding it more important than ever to surround yourself with positive, uplifting people that actually believe in you and support you in everything you do and those that actually like you for you and not for what information or connection you can give them. I realized that I am not a victim of life’s situations and instead throwing myself a pity party, it’s more productive to find the silver lining in it all and see what positive lesson is to be learned.
I realized that people can only make me feel inferior if I give them permission to and that there is no rule that says certain people have to stay in your life and take advantage of you. I realized that I’m a lot stronger than I think and that each lesson learned paves the way for something good to happen in the future. I’ve realized that it’s okay to let go of things or people that are no longer serving a purpose and that there is absolutely no reason to feel bad about wanting to create a better life for yourself and for those that you choose to surround yourself with. And I’ve realized that having a good attitude and outlook on everything is the key to being happy – there is always some good that comes out of every situation and sometimes “bad” things happen so that incredible doors can be opened for us.
Overall, I’m beyond grateful for everything that happened this year – both good and bad – and I am so excited to see what 2019 brings!
Next week, I’ll be sharing my annual goals with you all along with ways that you can stay organized! Until then, have a happy new year!! <3
What is the biggest lesson you learned in 2018?
xo
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Last week’s most clicked look was….
I love this cozy and cute sweater! So perfect for the holidays!
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Lizzie, that was emotional reading and I thank you for sharing your tough decision with us. Surround yourself only with positives you beautiful brave girl. A brilliantly Happy New Year to you xx
Pamela
http://www.style-yourself-confident.com
Thanks for sharing your year and what you learned. I hope you find peace and love in your heart in 2019 Liz. Thanks for the link up!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
Sorry to hear that you had troubles with your family, but it sounds like you are doing a great job on your own and you are hitting your blogging goals which is good! 🙂
Thank you for the link up!
Hope that you had a wonderful Christmas 🙂 It was a busy but fun one here as I hosted it this year for my family. Now we are enjoying some quiet time at home and eating lots of delicious leftovers, and I’m doing a little bit of blog reading after my break from blogging for a few days!
Away From The Blue Blog
Thanks for sharing Liz. This is absolutely my favorite season to reflect before entering to another year of great opportunities and exciting activities waiting ahead! You look so great as always Liz and I really love reading your blog. You inspire a lot of people. Have a blessed holiday and Godbless!
xoxo,
http://www.ootdbytim.wordpress.com
Thanks for sharing and opening up Liz! I think we all have that year where it’s been difficult and a learning experience. But we learn from it and that’s what makes us a better person! I hope 2019 will be a great year for you!
http://www.rdsobsessions.com
It’s true our hardships make us who we are. And I think that’s why I am not sad to get older each year. Because each year you learn more and more and it gets a tad easier. Having the right people around you helps tremendously!!
Thanks for sharing, Lizzie!
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Oh Lizzie thank you for sharing! I know what it must feel like to cut off your family. I made the private decision this year to do the same thing. I haven’t done it yet, as I’m waiting for some things to happen. But I know I won’t change my mind. Both of my parents and my moms side of the family have said and done horrible things to me throughout my life and I’m sick of it. I haven’t cut them off yet since my Busia is still alive. I’m here to talk if you ever need to!
Jennifer
Effortlessly Sophisticated
Thank you for sharing this inspiring post! Overcoming challenges and obstacles make us who we are. Surrounding yourself with positive and uplifting people is what family is all about and they don’t necessarily have to be blood relatives. Wishing you a Happy New Year!
Jill – Doused in Pink
Wow, I loved this post. So vulnerable yet inspiring. You are such a light and a major overcomer. The right people in our court is everything.
You look so divine Liz! I love these shot from the back! And this post very inspiring! I love your vulnerability! I can feel your light through your words! You are blessed, friend!
Edwige | http://www.hypnozglam.com
Congratulations on all of your personal growth. Your post was so inspiring and as a person who struggles to open up emotionally, I thank you for doing so.
Hayden
Hey Liz,
Thank you for allowing others to gleam from you. This is a very touching post. I want to encourage you to keep fighting the good fight of faith. You got this. I believe in you, although I don’t know you, I believe that your headed in the right direction. You said something so profound regarding surrounding yourself with positive people. Hoping that 2019 will be your best year yet!
So sorry to hear about the problems you’ve had with your family. I hope 2019 brings wonderful things for you. You are talented, determined and brave so I’ve no doubt you’ll go from success to success, and you thoroughly deserve it. Happy New Year Lizzie!
Emma xxx
http://www.style-splash.com
It’s so important to do a good review of the year gone by. It’s a type of cleanse in a way and it sounds like you’ve had quite the year!! Glad you’re feeling so positive and excited for 2019 and beyond. I’m sure it will be great for you.
You are amazing for writing this for yourself and for us. So inspirational – thanks for sharing.
Kasey Ma
TheStyleWright.com
Thinking good thoughts for you in 2019!
http://www.sincerelyjennie.com/
It sounds like you had a lot of postive things happen to you this year too! I think you will look back and be happy you made that descion to cut off your family. I hope you have a happy new year!
xo
http://www.laurajaneatelier.com
Liz, I am so thankful for your honesty and the rawness with which you share your story. It is so important for your healing process to be able to openly and genuinely share it…no matter how ugly it can sometimes be. I know you and I have exchanged comments about some similar things that I went through this past year, not with family, but with a very close friend. And one thing that I have learned is that after we become adults, we are no longer obligated to co-exist or even be friends with family members. There is no rule book on this and sometimes self-preservation must take precedent. I have plenty of very toxic family members whom I have had to cut out of my life long, long ago. And my life has been so much better for it. For me it was weird to choose a person, not a family member, as my friend and let them so completely into every aspect of my life only to discover the most insane manipulations that emotionally wrecked me as well. But once we gain the knowledge, the control, and the strength to rid our lives of such toxicity, it brings us that much closer to invincibility. Transitions like these are always difficult even when you know it’s the right thing for you. You still must go through a grieving process. But like all grief, once you get to the other side, you feel empowered and strong once again. I wish you so much joy and happiness and all of the success that you desire and deserve in the upcoming year, my friend. You are going to surprise even yourself with the amazing things you are capable of now that you are learning to let go of the things that held you back!
Happy New Year!
Shelbee
http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com
Congrats on all you accomplished! I’m sorry about your family dynamics but it sounds like you are making healthy choices for you!! Here’s to 2019.
Congratulations on achieving so much this year. I let go of a very toxic relationship this year and I’m vowing to only invest my time in those who matter in 2019 x
What a full year it has been … Letting go is the best lesson one can learn. Here’s to an amazing 2019.
❥ tanvii.com
Sounds like you had such an amazing year and met so many amazing people along with doing amazing things. Cheers to 2019! I hope it is even better than years past. 🙂
This is such a great post for reflecting for the new year! I love those flowers. They are so romantic 🙂
http://www.bauchlefashion.com/2018/12/the-return-of-femininity-glamour.html?m=1
What a wonderful way to reflect on the previous year. Those flowers though, so gorgeous.
I’m sorry you had to go through some difficult things this year but there were a lot of positives too- here’s to making 2019 the best year yet!
I feel like the hard times will always make the great times that much greater. You had a lot of learning experiences and positive too!
Thank you so much for sharing your personal story about this year. I hope for the best in 2019 for you!
Absolutely loved these pictures! This year had a lot of changes… some good and some not so good, but I definitely learned from every experience. I have so much to be grateful for!! Here’s to a 2019 full of good things. Best wishes for you in 2019<3
Happy New Year!
XO
Candace
http://www.thebeautybeau.com
thanks for sharing your ups and downs Lizzie! you are an amazing person inside and out and I know you will accomplish great things in 2019!!
Always great when someone shares their ups and downs. Shows others that we are not perfect. Hope 2019 is a better year for you.
Few in the world girls who would not like flowers. Properly selected and beautiful bouquet can melt any woman’s heart
Luxury Cleaning NYC
https://luxurycleaningny.com
Great post! Thanks for sharing! The flowers are absolutely gorgeous! xx
Beautiful post! Reflecting is imperative to growth so it is awesome that you take time to do that!
I’m sorry to hear about your family. They can really do a number on us can’t they? Good for you though to get to the point where you can separate out what’s good for you and make positive changes. I wish you all the best with it. Hope 2019 is full of new possibilities.
x, Julie | thismainlinelife.com
So sorry you’ve had a rough year with your family. It’s really interesting to see all you learned too. Here’s hoping 2019 is better for you!
xoxo Carolyn @ http://www.mychicobsession.com
Great post! Thaks so much for sharing!
I so appreciate you sharing your story! I know all too well how hard it is to distance yourself from family. Stay strong <3
Denise | http://theelleaesthetic.com/
It sounds like you’ve had some pretty serious accomplishments this year. Going into full-time entrepreneurship is tough, but you’re killing it! I know cutting out family can be so draining, too. I totally agree that it’s necessary at times though, and definitely have had some moments where I’ve had to do the same as well. It’s hard, but you get through it and are better for it after!
I’m so sorry to hear you had such a challenging year. It’s so hard to realize that your family isn’t the support system is should be, but I hope that you will be able to build one that is through your blog friends and others in your life.
My heart breaks for you 🙁 No one should have to go through that kind of turmoil and it makes me angry that families do this kind of thing to their own. As hard as it is to realize a line needs to be drawn, good for you for drawing it. Put yourself first for awhile girl! And good luck this year. I’m sure you will blow your own expectations out of the water!
Virginia | More to Mrs. E
I too have experienced emotions like this and it is very heart breaking. Good for you to see where you need to make changes and create healthy boundaries to guard your heart. Wishing you lots of good things in this New Year.
xo, Nicole
I’m sorry you had some tough times this year, and that you were treated poorly when you were vulnerable. And that you met some other people who supported you too! It sounds like you had a rollercoaster of a year, and I hope 2019 is better for you!
Loved reading your reflection! Wishing you all the best in 2019!
-Madi xo
http://everydaywithmadirae.com
2018 was quite a year for you! I’m sorry to hear that your family was such a toxic environment for you, but that’s so exciting that you were able to quit subbing and full time blog! Congrats on the hard work!
This is such a wonderful read dear. Anyway, your photos are super gorgeous!
Jessica | notjessfashion.com
I love your photos Lizzie! Almost looks like a fairytale. I couldn’t agree more with what you said that “you’re in charge of your own happiness!” Something which I have been working on for the past year. Here’s hoping 2019 will be great for you:
Pashmina | thegonegoat.com
Thank you for being so open and raw here! I’m sorry you had such a mentally and emotionally draining year. 2019 has no where to go but up!
HI Lizzie, HNY! I can relate to this post in so many ways! I also just quit my reading teacher job two weeks ago. It wasnt planned at all, and the finances were not in place to do so. However I could no longer work in a toxic atmosphere with very mean girls. My blog does not make income after 4 years,( super discouraging) so really reflecting and praying for some direction.
But as you say here …hardships open the biggest doors- so I am hanging onto those words as I need a job right now to replace my income-but tired of doing one that is not my passion.
Thanks for sharing your heart and being an inspiration, all the best on your new journey
xo
Valerie
More power to you in 2019. You made important and difficult decisions in 2018 and there is no where but up to go in 2019! Happy New Year and best wishes in this new year.
What a great reflection – thank you for being vulnerable and courageous enough to share with us! You have definitely set yourself up for a great 2019 😉
2018 was a year chalked full of ups and downs. so glad to see everyone growing from last year.
Thank you for sharing. I know I have a tendency to gloss over my hardships on my blog but really life isn’t always “blog perefect”
It was so great to get a deeper look into you and your blog! Keep inspiring us girl… you are doing great!