Good morning beauties!
Today’s post is a bit different. I’m going to get a little personal and I’m hoping that some of you can relate. I mean…we’re all friends, right? 😀
I’m not going to lie. I have been completely overwhelmed with everything lately and unfortunately, have been a bit neglectful to the blog and social media (of course, not purposely but there just aren’t enough hours in the day). I’m in over my head with various projects, some that I took on willingly and others that I was pressured into (because I’m “too nice” they say haha). I did not think that my summer vacation would be even busier than my 60 hour work weeks…yikes!
One of those extra projects is a summer architecture course at the local college. Architecture? Yes, I’m dreamer, doer and designer at heart. Today, we were instructed to take a personality test. I’ve taken many of these before and have always come up with the same result; this time was no different. I don’t know if any of you have taken the Myers-Briggs or Jung test, but I STRONGLY urge you to if you haven’t. Check it out here. It’s pretty intriguing.
Anyway, my result was INFJ – Introvert, Intuition, Feeling and Judging, the rarest personality type making up only 1% of the population. As I read my results (as I have before), I finally got it and it just clicked this time. It really resonated with me and I had an “ah-ha” moment. I finally understand my distress.
You see, I have been having this emotional struggle deep within myself for the past 15 years or so when concerning my career. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a fashion designer. I just knew. This is the thing I would do even if I didn’t get paid for it. But it never worked out and ever since, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with my life.
I’ve had a lot of different occupations (including a lizard hunter haha! Yes, that’s a real thing.) just to make ends meet. Most recently, I have been substitute teaching…and not because I eventually wanted to be a teacher, but because I desperately needed a job at the time and it worked well with my guitar lessons. Over the past few years, I have been SO pressured to get my credential when I knew in my heart that I didn’t want to do this as a career.. Financially, it made sense to have a stable job, but I felt unfulfilled and underwhelmed. I craved something with purpose (not that teaching doesn’t have purpose because it totally does), excitement and creativity.
A few months ago, I had an epiphany. After all the pressure, I finally gave in thinking that maybe everyone else saw something that I didn’t. I was smart. I was a good teacher. The kids loved me. The staff loved me. This must be a sign, right? But my heart was never satisfied and I couldn’t fully understand why. I couldn’t understand why I, a straight A student that always knew what she wanted to do, was in this position. Why my classmates had established careers and I didn’t, but I instead felt more like a gypsy…just wandering through life without purpose or direction. Other people didn’t understand either.
In a world, where status and monetary gain rules and where not having a traditional job deems you as unsuccessful, there is definitely pressure to conform to what society thinks of as “normal.” I’ve cried many nights over this trying to figure out why I was feeling this way and why I couldn’t just suck it up and pursue this career because I felt like that’s what I was supposed to do. I’m getting older and would like to start a family in a few years, but how can I possibly support a family with a job that employs me day to day and that doesn’t offer any kind of benefits? I felt like I needed to do this for my husband and to make others around me happy and proud of me. At the end of the school year, a situation came about that shook my entire world. I had applied for a credential program and this made me immediately pull out and rethink it all. During this situation, I saw my future…and I wasn’t happy. I knew that I needed a change and needed to explore different avenues, which is what led me to this summer class.
No one understood my obsession and deep love for fashion: the creation of something incredible, a garment that can make a person feel beautiful, a garment that travels with them to their favorite places, a wearable work of art. To me, this is fulfilling. This makes my life worthwhile. And in the back of my mind, it has always been fashion, my first real love and no matter how many times I have tried to forget about it and cover up this urge with a “real job” because it was unattainable, I just could never get rid of this feeling and in a sense, it is both inspiring and heartbreaking.
But now I understand. I completely get it. And I’m tearing up as I write this because it has just finally sunk in.
I know why I have this constant yearning for a creative, fulfilling and intellectually stimulating career. I know why I feel like my career has to have a purpose and why I am driven by much more than money and status. I know why I am constantly searching for the best possible career choice and interested in so many things (too many things!). I know why I feel more comfortable in certain roles than others. And I know why others just don’t understand.
It’s wired in my DNA.
INFJ personalities are intellectual, creative and extremely fond of helping others. We are doctors, counselors, designers, artists, musicians, authors, teachers…and you guessed it, bloggers. We think on a deeper level and attempt to align our interests and talents into the perfect career for us. We are often thinking about why we are here, what we are meant to do, and what our purpose in life is.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that I have rediscovered my dreams and have reawakened the passion that once burned so brightly. In a sense, this blog started out as a creative outlet because I didn’t think that I could ever have the creative job that I craved. This blog has been my happy place. I have rediscovered myself and grown in innumerable ways. And in a sense, I feel that this is what I’ve been chasing all along. I used to only want to design clothing, but I have found a deep love of styling. It is so satisfying to me and I think that maybe this is the fashion career that I’ve been searching for all along.
Surely, I am not the only one that feels or has felt this way. We all have dreams and aspirations. We all have different talents and skills. Don’t ever stop dreaming.
I’d love for you to share your dreams in the comments!
And if you took the personality test, I am so curious as to what your results are so share those too! I’d love to see if you any of you come up with the INFJ result 🙂
Sorry if I’m rambling, I’m just s passionate about this and hope I’ve at least spoken to someone else’s heart <3
Oh, and the outfit? It’s cute, right? 😉
Have a lovely Tuesday!