It’s MY BIRTHDAY! Or at least it was this weekend haha!
I can’t believe that this is the 9th birthday that I’ve celebrated on the blog. It’s so crazy how fast time goes. To be honest, I’m not quite sure where this post is going to take me. In the past, I’ve shared lessons learned, my favorite things, fun facts about me, a Q + A, and my thoughts on aging. Today… I’m just going to reflect and write.
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MY BIRTHDAY! & Embracing My Journey
I’m not going to lie. It’s been an extremely BUSY time of my life. I don’t think we’ve had a free weekend since February lol! No complaints here – it’s been lovely. But at the same time, I haven’t had much time to write my heart out or for introspection as I typically do every year around this time. Last year, I wrote in detail about the pressures I felt that came with becoming older including the pressure of buying a home, having children, and feeling generally behind. Thankfully, I’ve embraced how life has unfolded for me and no longer feel such intense pressure.
This past year has been a lot about growth and embracing my authentic self. If you’ve been avid reader from the beginning, you’ve followed and witnessed my growth journey firsthand. And for me, this is such a wonderful thing about having a blog. If you’re vulnerable enough, you can share you heart without being judged and in my case, I’ve had such a wonderful community that I’m so grateful for.
I also love that I can look back on my life path as it unfolds before me. Reading back on various posts makes me realize just how far I’ve come and it’s given me faith to trust that things always work out the way they are intended to. This attitude helps me to remain positive during all circumstances, grateful for my past and present, and excited for what’s to come.
My Journey
Although the last year has been instrumental in my growth, in reality, it’s been a journey of at least six years. Five years ago (this month), I made a life-changing and terrifying decision to break the pattern of generational trauma. It was a very difficult and isolating journey that tested me emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Little by little, I had to face my fears and traumas in a effort to overcome them. It broke me down in every way and changed me from the inside out. And you know what? It was exactly what I needed.
This was the beginning of the journey that I am still on. I look back on myself before this and see a sweet girl that is taken advantage of, completely under-appreciated and never enough for anyone. Yet I have come out of it with undeniable strength, a confidence in myself I never thought possible and the ability to encourage myself rather looking for it in others.
Previously, I let other people dictate how I felt. I looked for approval in everything. However, I’ve realized that I don’t need approval from anyone but myself. I’m the one that dictates how I feel. I am in charge of my own destiny. And the magic I searched for so long to find was already within me, just waiting to be discovered.
What I’m grateful for through this situation is that it didn’t change me as a person in a way that one would expect. I could have easily become vengeful and taken my hurts out on everyone else but I didn’t. I could have hardened my heart in an effort to protect it but I didn’t. I could have become a victim of my circumstances blaming everything about myself on something that was completely out of my control… but I didn’t. I could have easily given up but instead, I chose to use this opportunity to better myself, put myself first for once in my life and most importantly, to help others that may not know how to help themselves.
My Present
This brings me to present day. With such a drastic internal change, I’ve found myself wanting to change things externally. Knowing the value of life and see just how fast time passes by has caused me to think deeply about my present and my future. As someone that previously lived solely in the future and past, I’m living more for the present. I’m enjoying day to day life and somehow, I’ve become more flexible with this.
My Style
Over the last six months, I’ve been doing a big clean out. Through this journey, I’ve found my style starting to shift. It’s no longer about having a gazillion options or keeping something because I feel obligated. It’s about me – what I love, what makes me happy, what makes me feel beautiful and what fits into my new life. Little by little, I’ve been letting go of the items that have been holding me back and surrounding myself with things that inspire and energize me.
My Home
For many, many years, I opted not to decorate to extent I wanted. Early on in my adult life, I moved frequently and therefore, lived out of a box. I never unpacked. When we moved to the house we live in now, I unpacked everything for the first time in my life. But I never decorated because I knew I didn’t want to stay here. Now I’m not sure what life has in store but rather than get anxious or try to control everything, I’m starting to embrace it. As such, I’m itching to create a space that feels like a home for my husband and I.
Travel
As I mentioned previously, we’ve been gone nearly every weekend (or for weeks at a time) during the last four months. There were several opportunities that we couldn’t pass up on. We also decided to take advantage of the incredible wildflower season, my brother’s homecoming and spending time with our parents by making memories that we may not otherwise be able to.
My Future
I spoke in detail about aging, buying a house, having children, etc in my previous birthday post. The pressure can weigh so heavily but I’m finding that it dissipates with the passing years. I find that the pressure is actually not self-inflicted but as a result of caring too much about what others think. There is a certain “timeline,” especially for these things. You get married, buy a house, start a family… and live happily ever after.
However, our life has not taken this path. I used to think something was wrong with me but now I understand that we are all on different paths and although some people may not understand or may even look down on me for this, it’s truly none of their business. And it’s none of mine either. I’ve given up caring what others think because it only causes stress, anxiety and pressure.
The truth is… I’m happy with my life. I have the best husband ever and I feel so unbelievably lucky to have found him when I did. We just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary and later this year, will celebrate 15 years together. We are both growing together as individuals and as a couple. We are both figuring out what makes us happy and what we want to achieve in life. And we are both realizing that, perhaps, we are untraditional in terms of what society thinks we should be and that’s totally okay.
I’m also realizing that I don’t want to wait to do certain things. I don’t want to wait to see the world and experience all it has to offer when we are retired because this time is never promised. I want to enjoy while we are young, healthy, and able-bodied. The irony is that everything is so expensive now-a-days lol! Regardless, we are doing what we can to make memories now, which is important.
My Birthday
I’ve always loved my birthday. Although I’ve never been a fan of being the center of attention, I love feeling special. I love dressing up in my favorite outfit (any occasion to dress up, am I right? hahaa!). And I enjoy seeing the thought that loved ones put into gift giving, card writing and special surprises without any strings attached. Because prior to the decision I made five years ago, birthdays were met with certain expectations, conditions and hurtful words. Now they are met with love, encouragement and the freedom to be myself.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that birthdays are not just about the act of celebrating. And boy do I love to celebrate lol! For me, it’s also an opportunity to reflect. What went well this past year? What should I spend more time doing? What should I let go of? It’s a very similar process to what I do at the end of each year. I read back on my old posts to see just how far I’ve come because sometimes that can get lost in the noise.
This process used to be painful for me at times, especially during 2017-2020. But now it’s something I look forward to. I have a new perspective on life, what I deserve and how to be my best self. I feel like a butterfly – colorful, beautiful and free. Or Cinderella… long after she’s married the prince. I’m in my happily ever after phase of life. 🙂
Outfit Details
Floral Confete Tulle Dress c/o | Sequin Jewelry Pearl Necklace c/o (Use LIZZIEINLACE20 for 20% off) | Lele Sadoughi Pearl Headband (similar) | Charlotte Tilbury Lipstick | Halo Hair Extension (use LIZZIEINLACE for $25 off!)
This post definitely took a different direction LOL! I usually like to keep my birthday posts light and happy…. but this one is deep and happy. 🙂 It’s a documentation of how I feel in this moment – grateful. Grateful for my past and my present knowing that everything has worked out for my benefit in an effort to learn, grow and change in the most positive of ways. And hopeful for the future – excited to see what adventures, opportunities and positive changes lie ahead.
My Birthday Plans
As for my birthday plans? This past weekend, my husband and mom took me on a birthday trip to tour Hearst Castle, antique shop and discover hidden gems along the beautiful California coast. I wore some of my favorite items – a floral princess dress and a pink faux fur coat (first time I wore a coat on my birthday haha!). It was really lovely! 🙂 We’re also planning to have a picnic soon before the weather warms up too much.
Anyway, thank you for listening to my heart and stopping by to celebrate with me. So grateful for all of you – for your encouragement, kindness and friendship. Thank you for all that you do and have done for me over the years <3
Cheers to another beautiful year!
xo,
Lizzie
