Hi everyone! I wasn’t planning on taking the week off from blogging (sorry about that)… and I actually wasn’t even going to post today. I’ve had a rough week and I thought I would be okay emotionally but I just needed a little time away.
Well, the day has come and gone. My little brother left for Navy boot camp earlier this week and I just have so many feelings. I can’t even begin to express them all.
When I first found out he was leaving, I was devastated. I couldn’t understand why because it just came out of nowhere and during a time when I had so much going on. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. He wasn’t even 19 yet. But when I talked to him about his reasoning, it became clear that this was something he wanted to do and I supported his decision. I was even happy for him and so proud of him for making such a big decision so young. But that doesn’t make it any easier. We’re really close. We always have been.
We’re 14 years apart but he has honestly always been my one of my best friend’s. He has always been there for me and has never judged me. We’ve traveled so many places together and made so many incredible memories. Being the big sister, I was always teaching him new things like how to make pasta from scratch, how to boogie board, how to play guitar. I remember surprising him for his birthday one year with a trip to magic mountain. He had never ridden a roller coaster so we started off with the easiest one and then graduated from there. By the end of the day, we had ridden everything… even the super scary ones! And when I lived at home, I remember sitting outside of my sister’s door with him. I’d play guitar and we’d make up songs about her… singing as loud as we could to wake her up… because of course, she was always sleeping in until noon lol (she didn’t like our songs very much haha). When I moved out, we would always have sleepovers and I would jam pack our days with as many fun things (and sweet treats) as I possibly could.
When he was younger, we’d go on picnics, drive to the beach and visit to the local zoo and museums and as he got older, he joined my husband and I as we traveled to Palm Springs, went camping in Yosemite, toured the Flower Fields in San Diego, hiked in Sequoia and explored Lake Tahoe among many others. We even made our own traditions and each Black Friday, we would wake up at the crack of dawn to go shopping for our family. It wasn’t so much about the great deals as it was about spending time together. And of course, he loved fashion too, especially street style and he and my husband would always bond over their love of shoes. He even accompanied us on a few photoshoots! 🙂
These are the things that I’m going to miss. I’m so grateful for the memories but I imagined having so many more. My heart is so broken. Of course I’m so happy for him and so incredibly proud of him but I’m also feeling quite selfish because I want more time for more memories. I guess in a way, I almost feel like a second mom and I’m just not ready for him to grow up and leave.
And here’s the thing…. the current world circumstances have changed everything including this process. We will not get to see him graduate and we will not get to see him after boot camp. I’m hoping we will see him after A school, which puts us at about eight months from now. In hindsight, eight months in not a long time but it seems like an eternity right now. And then who knows where he is going. I know he’s interested in Japan or Hawaii so we will see. But I guess that gives us an excuse to go visit, right? 🙂
Overall, it’s just a lot to process. I knew this day was coming and I’ve been preparing for a long time but I didn’t expect it to hurt my heart this much. I’m getting older and he’s going to miss out on so many things in my life that I would like him to be there for. And I’m so scared that he’ll come back a completely different person because I really love who he is right now. I’m so sad that he won’t be here to travel with us and make even more memories together. It’s feel so lonely around here… but I guess this is just part of growing up.
Anyway, I don’t even know where I’m going with this post. Thank you for listening and please send my brother all of your prayers as he embarks on his new journey <3
If you’re looking for a pick-me-up after my post, make sure to watch my new video lol!