It’s my birthday!!! Woo Hoo!
This is the EIGHTH birthday that I’ve celebrated on the blog and honestly, I can’t believe it how fast time has flown by. Normally, I keep my birthday posts light and fun (check out previous posts here) but it’s really been such an interesting year so I wanted to share more on that 🙂
Read on for my honest thoughts on aging, my birthday plans and a really fun “ask me anything” video! 🙂
Today I am 35. It feels surreal to say this. When I was younger, I thought 35 was oldddd LOL! I’m happy to report that I don’t feel old at all but I do feel different. For most of my birthdays, feeling my age has never been a thing. I’ve always been mistaken as much younger than I really am and I’ve always felt younger but for some reason, my age has been at the forefront of my mind for the last month or so. Most years I feel like I’m just coasting through life so this is a very new feeling for me.
Honest Thoughts on Aging
In so many ways, this past year was amazing! As you know, I’ve been going through a bit of a growth phase in my life and I continue to grow more and more each year. I look back on some of my older posts and it’s evident that I’ve matured. My thoughts are so different. I’m different. And honestly, it’s just what I needed.
So many of the insecurities that I’ve struggled with previously have vanished. I’m feeling more confident than ever in every aspect of my life and I’m beginning to feel more sure about who I am and what I want for the future. I’ve also discovered that I truly can create a beautiful life for myself and in that life, I get to decide who I let in. I don’t have to make choices out of guilt – I get to decide what is best for me. It’s been so empowering! Even then, there are still some things that I’ve been uncertain about and some instances where I feel a bit behind, especially as my age starts to creep up.
One of these things is children. I feel more and more pressured every single day. I’ve put it off for years because I never felt ready. I wanted to be mentally, emotionally and financially ready for such a big change and to be completely transparent, I am not in a place where I am comfortable with that just yet. I’m 35 and I’m still not ready. I don’t know if I ever will be. My husband and I have been married for almost decade and I can’t tell you how often people ask (something I wish wasn’t a thing). People assume that I don’t like kids but that’s not the truth. I’m fully aware that I can’t plan out every detail of my life but I also don’t feel comfortable jumping into a situation as life-changing as this, especially if I don’t have a definitive decision. I also have certain fears that I just can’t get over. The pressure weighs heavily on me not only from other people but from the passage of time. I’ve come to the conclusion that whatever is meant to be will be and I am okay with either outcome and trust the timing.
Another thing that I’ve been thinking a lot about is my living situation. It seems like many people bought their first homes years ago and we still haven’t hit that milestone. A big part of that is me. The timing has never been right. I moved to the city I live in 16 years ago and honestly, it’s not my ideal place. I never saw myself living here longterm and I was hesitant to buy a home here because I didn’t want to be stuck. I wanted the freedom and opportunity to go elsewhere at any time. But many unexpected things have kept us here over the years so… we’re still here. I’ve never felt truly “at home” in any place that I’ve lived in and I’ve been itching to find that place for myself. I just don’t know where I belong.
I’ve also been feeling the need for a life upgrade. I’ve done SO much internal work over the last few years and I think that it’s finally spilling over into other aspects of my life. Lately, I’ve had the urge to change things up appearance wise, especially in terms of my style. I have never felt this way before and it’s little scary. Sure, I went through that emo phase in high school (haha!) but overall, my style has remained the same. And when I say “change up my style,” I don’t mean that I’m going to completely change it. I just feel that certain things from my “old self” don’t resonate anymore and I am wanting to elevate my look to match how I feel inside. I don’t know if this is part of my healing process or if this is just a part of getting older but by looking all of my Google searches, this seems to be normal lol!
Honestly, I think that is very normal to feel all of these things at some point and I’m sure that they hit people at different ages. They just happen to be hitting me right now. But if there is one thing that I’ve learned, it’s that timing is everything. Looking back on certain situations – if I forced it in anyway, it didn’t turn out so great (like the time I was scammed by a school). But when I let go and let it unfold for me, it ends up even better than I how I imagine it to be <3
Also, I don’t want anyone to mistake my raw honesty for negativity. I don’t feel particularly negative about any of these situations. I think that the children and home aspects will come together in the way that they are supposed to. As for the life upgrade, I think this is something that my soul has been craving for a while and I am SO excited for it! 🙂
My Birthday Plans
As for my birthday plans, I am taking the day off – woo hoo!! In fact, I’ve been absent on social media this entire week and it felt amazing to get a break. I plan to have a full on self care day (I even bought a bath pillow for my bubble bath!) and watch a movie, read a book, or maybe even take a nap. Honestly, I’m just going to do whatever I want and I can’t wait! 🙂
This weekend, I’ll probably hang out with my mom and husband and next week, we are off to celebrate in Carmel by-the-Sea. Most years, we have traveled for our birthdays instead of buying gifts but with the world situation, it was a bit impossible for the last few years. I am so happy to get away for a few days!
Anddd since this was a special year, I bought myself a special gift – a piano, something that I have been waiting my entire life to own. I hardly buy myself anything ever and I have been putting this off for a longggggg time, but I did it. The piano is actually the first instrument that I learned. Growing up, my mom played often and I learned by imitating her. This is something that I’m going to treasure!
But what’s even more special is that I just got a Happy Birthday call from my brother (literally as I’m typing out this post). He will be deploying soon and I don’t know if we will see him before he goes. This 2 minute phone call was seriously the best gift!
Ask Me Anything Video
I definitely don’t want to end this post on a serious note haha! I asked you all to submit your most burning questions on Instagram and I answered them for you in a video! It covers everything from personal life, love and career to fashion, beauty and travel. Enjoy!
Overall, I am LOVING my 30s! I’ve stopped obsessing and stressing out about certain things and I’m taking each day as it comes rather than feeling the need to plan out the next 25 years. I have a deeper appreciation of everything around me and I now truly understand what it means to love myself (awww!). I feel SO much more confident than I did in my 20s and I experienced growth that I never thought possible for myself. As I turn the page to year 35, I could not be more excited for what’s to come. I just know that 35 is going to be a year to remember (in the best way). <3
Thank you all so much for joining me on this journey!!