In May, my husband and I celebrated 10 years of marriage! Can you believe it? And this November, we will celebrate 15 years of being together 🙂 I am, by no means, a marriage expert but my husband and I have a wonderful relationship and I wanted to share a few things that have worked for us. Keep in mind that each relationship and marriage is different so what works for us may not work for you and vice versa. However, I think that many of these can be helpful for any relationship.
Read on to see what valuable lessons I’ve learned after 10 years of marriage!
What I’ve Learned After 10 Years of Marriage
Make Sure You’re Both on the Same Page
This is SO important, especially when it comes to marriage. Ideally, you’d both know what you want before you get married. This is the time to discuss the big things like children, finances, living circumstances, career etc along with the smaller, everyday things like chores. You’ll also want to discuss both of your long-term and short-term goals to see how you will each fit into each other’s lives. Once you get married, you’ll have joint goals as well as individual goals that you can push each other toward. I also feel like it’s important to be flexible with these because when you marry someone, sometimes that does include sacrifices in some form.
Give Each Other Space
My husband and I are both introverts and although we LOVE spending time together, we also enjoy having our own time apart. My hubby wakes up super early and has his alone time in the morning. He typically goes to bed before I do, so I have my alone time in the late evening. Or perhaps, he’ll want to play a video game for an hour so I’ll grab a good book and read or play some music. And although we both have certain schedules, it’s fairly flexible. We don’t necessarily need alone time every single day – it’s moreso whenever we feel the need.
I also think it’s super important to maintain friendships outside of the marriage. My husband is absolutely my best friend but we never keep each other from hanging out with friends or family. I think that some people are under the impression that once you enter a serious relationship or marriage, that you have to drop all of your friends. But if they are good, supportive friends, I feel like it’s so helpful mentally to keep those alive. Same with family.
Lastly, if you can, I highly recommend separate bathrooms LOL! Or at least some type of room or area that each of you can utilize as your own. We each love our privacy so separate bathrooms is a really nice treat (plus we can decorate them however we want!).
Communication is Key
I’m sure you’ve probably heard this before but truly, communication is key in any marriage. I think that naturally it does take time to understand how each person best communicates. Once you figure this out, it’s so much easier! Being honest and communicating with each other respectfully, even through tough situations is important. Love languages help too, if you’re into that!
Keep the Spark Alive
Once you’ve been married for a while, I think that keeping the spark alive is important! To be honest, our marriage has never been “hard work” so we don’t feel desperation in anyway. It’s moreso just keeping the love alive. Small things like holding hands, giving each other compliments, planning dates, and celebrating the small things goes a long way. For example, if my husband goes to the grocery store without me, he will always pick up something sweet for me like candy, cookies, etc. He also loves sending me memes everyday (that we rewatch together when he gets home lol). We also love making dinner together and watching tv. Celebrating our birthdays and anniversaries is always a big deal too. In fact, we even celebrate our dating anniversary each year and have almost always celebrated at Disneyland! 🙂
Embrace Each Other’s Differences
My husband and I are very similar but we’re also quite different and those differences complement each other for the most part. We are each strong in different areas and we love learning from one another. We also love learning together to strengthen the areas that we’re not so great in. At the same time, I have no problem letting my husband handle something that he’s great at while I watch from afar and he is comfortable doing the same.
Support and Motivate One Another
My husband is my number one cheerleader and I’m the same for him! We love each other and want to help each other reach our goals. If one of us is having a tough day, the other is there to lend a listening ear and a giant hug. If one of us feels that we need to make a big change, the other is there researching and mapping out a plan. He pushes me to eat healthier and work out while I push him to chase his dreams and adopt a positive mindset. He helps me with my blog by taking photos and I love helping him with his skincare routine. In short, we both push each other to be our best in every way and we both try to be positive influences in each other’s lives.
Show Gratitude & Appreciation
I think that this is a big one too. After you’ve been with someone for a long time, I think it’s easy to become accustomed to certain things. However, I think that showing gratitude and appreciation for one another ensures that each person feels validated. For example, I will not let a day go by without telling my husband that I love him. I also make it a point to tell him that I’m grateful that he’s in my life and that I appreciate all the things that he does for me. Being specific is helpful in this circumstance! For example, whenever he shoots my photos or helps me clean on his day off, I always thank him.
Understand That You Both will Grow & Change
I think that this something that is less talked about but equally important. I met my husband when I was 21 and he was 24 (actually…. I technically met him when I was 18 lol! More on that in this post!). Obviously, we have both grown a lot since then. I went through a very healing part in my life five years ago and now he’s going through something similar. Changing as a person is inevitable and luckily, my husband and I have grown together rather than apart through this. Having the same beliefs, morals and values has proven to be an incredible foundation for our relationship but we also respect each other’s opinions, should they differ (although they rarely do). Through our growth, we’ve learned from each other along the way, which has been beneficial not only to our relationship but to each of us as individuals.
Be Kind & Respectful to One Another
Being kind and respectful to one another is just as important as good communication. When you have disagreements, it’s easy to say or do things that may not translate well later. It’s important to not let other emotions get the best of you in these situations. Always be respectful of the other person and their thoughts, opinions and beliefs. Be kind, encouraging, and loving always.
Everyday, I thank my lucky stars that my husband and I found each other! We could not be a more perfect match 🙂 And this is where I feel like we really excel! As we get older, it’s easy to let go of fun. Stress increases with careers, moving, children, family, etc and having fun is not always top of mind when you have other things to prioritize.
Before our wedding, we took a marriage class at our church and after the class ended, the pastor told us that my husband and I both have a “child-like essence” about us and to “never lose that.” This really left an impression on me and I’ve never forgotten it. This doesn’t mean we are immature or anything but my husband and I both have very innocent personalities and we love indulging in nostalgic things from our childhoods. Like I mentioned, we have celebrated almost all of our dating anniversaries at Disney. We love watching movies from our childhoods, collecting nostalgic relics, making jokes, and just having fun together. In a way, we both look at the world with a sense of childlike wonder, something so rare these days… and I hope we never lose that.
AW Bridal Maisie Wedding Dress (use lizzieinlace for 10% off!) | Mary Frances Handbag (similar) | Les Couronnes des Victoire Floral Hair Pins (similar) | Kate Spade Floral Necklace (similar) | Charlotte Tilbury Lipstick | Halo Hair Extension (use LIZZIEINLACE for $25 off!)
There is so much more I could say… and maybe someday I will 🙂 But for now, these are the top lessons that I’ve learned from 10 years of marriage. Being married to my husband has had such a positive impact on my life and it only seems to get better with each passing year. If you have anything to add, I would love to hear it! Feel free to leave your best advice or lessons from marriage (or a long-term relationship)!
How I met My Husband
Curious about how we met? Watch the video below for the full story (it’s pretty juicy lol!)
Hope you enjoyed this post!